Gravity Review

No let’s really cut to the chase. The simple truth of the matter is you’re wrong. The films poorly constructed storyline is the complete opposite to your suck up review.

The contrast between the simplicity of your opening sentence to the complexity of the leading sentence is baffling. The words are empty and have no substance, and your over use of a thesaurus blatantly shows us that you’re nothing but a show off. The knowledge that you portray of the director is unneeded and irrelevant to the film that you are reviewing. The way you describe the film in such depth with words that are too sophisticated for a film review is enough to put anyone off watching the film. It almost implies that your words are a reflection of the film and nobody wants to watch a film that is so confusing that they can’t keep up.

You are very eloquent in your review, however then you just insult my intelligence. ‘Remember nothing in Gravity was shot in zero-G.’ Don’t worry i had never forgotten. I know for a fact that Sandra Bullock is not a qualified astronaut, so there wasn’t really any need for you to remind us. You state that the opening sequence runs for ten minutes. ‘Easily enough time to scatter our preconceptions of cinema across the universe before plunging us into the abyss.’ More like, it only takes ten minutes for your brain cells to come together and realise how appalling the next hour and a half of your life is going to be.

To be honest, the only positive i could make out of the film was that it was visually stunning; however it really was just an expensive let down. The dialogue was dreadful even more jargon than what your review is made up of. It had no emotional connection with me as it is hard to engage with something when you can’t relate to it at all. You admit yourself that the film is complex, although you continue your sentence by saying it is awe-inspiring and the film is to celebrate the phenomenon of life. Personally i think you were watching a completely different film, because Gravity was far from inspiring and certainly didn’t get me on the edge of my seat.

Tune down your intellectual vocabulary and please realise that you are not an academic bookworm, you are just someone who has an opinion like the rest of us, and an opinion that does not fit hand in hand with mine.