Half-Giraffe-Half-Chicken

Former Disney star Miley Cyrus’ recent antics have left us in a stir. Her provocative dancing and absence of clothes has exposed her to a chill of criticism from all stretches of morally righteous and conservative people.

Miley and her wrecking ball demolish her sweet and innocent character in the press. Her VMA appearance was her most criticised sin, even though she was more covered up than she was on a spherical lump of steel. The main focus was her gyrating against a slimy man having a mid-life crisis in a striped suit, Robin Thicke. However I picked up on the fact that she looked like a miniature giraffe unable to keep their tongue under control. As well as her animalist performance, Miley’s particularly tight flesh coloured shorts caused her legs to abnormally cave-in to resemble the behind of a raw chicken. This means if she were to be an animal Miley would most definitely be a half-giraffe-half-chicken with a severe mental disability or lack of facial muscle control. 

The wild child herself claims her ludicrous behaviour is just a character. Obviously recreationally consuming MDMA and cocaine is the height of acceptability and most certainly shows Miley’s innocent side. Surely if that can prove what she is doing is just a character then nothing else can?

Miley is fully aware of the impacts of her provocative dancing and whatever other stupid stuff she does. Yet she says she isn’t a kids’ role model and people can choose not to let this influence their lives. However this is not how the modern world works. This glorious thing called the internet allows access to a whole variety, especially on a site like YouTube, such as cats playing pianos; stuff being blown up and general idiocy. So what will prevent little kids searching for their beloved Hannah Montana and stumble across her licking a hammer ‘lollipop’ with her mutant giraffe tongue? Sooner or later the whole world will find their four-year-old daughters’ twerking in their itsy-bitsy bikinis with your DIY tools! Even Miss Miley Cyrus can figure that out … surely?  

By LaLa